freedom is yours -- you're not a child
The difficulty we have in accepting responsibility for our behavior lies
in the desire to avoid the pain of the consequences of that
behavior....Whenever we seek to avoid the responsibility for our own
behavior, we do so by attempting to give that responsibility to some
other individual or organization or entity. But this means we then
give away our power to that entity, be it "fate" or "society" or the
government or the corporation or our boss. It is for this reason that
Erich Fromm so aptly titled his study of Nazism and authoritarianism
Escape from Freedom. In attempting to avoid the pain of
responsibility, millions and even billions daily attempt to escape
from freedom.
I have a brilliant but morose acquaintance who, when I allow him to,
will speak unceasingly and eloquently of the oppressive forces in our
society: racism, sexism, the military-industrial establishment, and
the country police who pick on him and his friends because of their
long hair. Again and again I have tried to point out to him that he
is not a child. As children, by virtue of our real and extensive
dependency, our parents have real and extensive power over us. They
are, in fact, largely responsible for our well-being, and we are, in
fact, largely at their mercy. When parents are oppressive, as so
often they are, we as children are largely powerless to do anything
about it; our choices are limited. But as adults, when we are
physically healthy, our choices are almost unlimited. That does not
mean they are not painful. Frequently our choices lie between the
lesser of two evils, but it is still within our power to make these
choices. Yes, I agree with my acquaintance, there are indeed
oppressive forces at work within the world. We have, however, the
freedom to choose every step of the way the manner in which we are
going to respond to and deal with these forces. It is his choice to
live in an area of the country where the police don't like
"long-haired types" and still grow his hair long. He has the freedom
to move to the city, or to cut his hair, or even to wage a campaign
for the office of police commissioner. But despite his brilliance, he
does not acknowledge these freedoms. He chooses to lament his lack of
political power instead of accepting and exulting in his immense
personal power. He speaks of his love of freedom and of the
oppressive forces that thwart it, but every time he speaks of how
he is victimized by these forces he actually is giving away his
freedom. I hope that some day soon he will stop resenting life
simply because some of its choices are painful.
M. Scott Peck
psychiatrist and author
(emphasis mine)
© M. Scott Peck
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