I felt tormented and alone. I had lost you forever. I confessed to you and told you I loved you. I told you all the awful things I do to you and how I try to manipulate and control and twist you. Then I told you how much I love you and I began to cry, audibly, as I haven't for almost a year. Almost. Then I immediately called you and you had wonderful news to say about your new precious cat and that all is going well and my heart was so glad. I am so proud to be your brother and I love you so much. I had talked to you earlier that day and felt a great sorrow. I love you as a son, but there is sorrow, a gap I can't get around. But then I was excited for reasons of expression I can't understand. The new technology makes me exist in all levels and in all places at once. I can exist in the machine almost. Almost. It's a whole new multimedia expressive cornucopia and it brings me joy. So I went looking for an image of a burning television to show you as I summarily ignored you as you walked by and tried to talk to me about your summer. And then I told you all about a part of the gospel I dearly love, in fact one I've seen played out in your life. You have been such an inspiration to me. I told you about how you are all those in need and how the sheep who hear your voice will answer your voice and as you take care of you and visit you and make you feel welcome and will go on to live in the kingdom prepared for you with you. Then I joyfully went back to your apartment to sleep but couldn't get you out of my mind. I miss you so very much. And I woke up missing you after dreaming about you. I've been dreaming about all of you so much lately: and you all seem okay. My time seems almost done. Almost. Oh how I frighten me and you. Yes, I woke up and wrote some lines about how I miss you and hope you're doing well, in fact pray to you that you are doing well. I'll be with you again some day, I hope and pray, and no barriers will exist then. We can mix and mingle and walls will all be gone and I can love you and you can love me freely in all truth and in spirit. So I woke up and started working on a trip to your moon for you and then I hear you were stopping by from out of town. I looked forward to seeing you. And then you came by and gave me the long desired soundtrack to that awesome movie. That was so generous of you. At the prescribed hour, I came and stood with you, waiting for you to show up. But you came late, so I left with you and we ran an errand and talked about how you and I need each other and all of you, in fact, as I read this morning, we're made to need you and I and you. And you were worried about the impression you would make with your parents. And we didn't pray so much to you but you took care of the hungry. And it was nice to look at Bibles with you and then we went and ate with you and you told us about faraway places you've been and then I noticed you and thought about how I could help you and wished you were near and want to hold you gently and then you made a fire and I gave you back your car and I miss you so much and almost can't handle it. I don't know why. Do you? And disappeared. Almost.